“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~Unknown

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

How To Be A Renaissance Dad

OK, so your girlfriend/wife has been hitting the Ben & Jerry's pretty hard, is complaining that she 'thinks she's coming down with something' every few hours because she's nauseous, and she just polished off an entire jar of pickles in one sitting.

Time to go cigar shopping, boy, you're going to be a dad.

Don't panic! I know, it may have seemed like the end of the world for those few minutes after she confirmed it for you, but trust me, this will turn out much better than you had ever imagined. Resist the urge to change your name, move to Zihuatenejo, and become a lifelong deadbeat margarita poet.  Step up the plate, my man.  It's time to Man Up.  Believe me, you won't regret it.

I know, you had plans to travel the world.  You wanted to focus on exploring your late-night, rock-star lifestyle just a little while longer.  Plus, kids freak you out.  They scare the crap out of you.  You don't even know how to hold one, much less keep one fed, clothed, and off the Smack.

Relax.

Even though you don't realize it now, this is going to be your greatest adventure.

As a renaissance man, you are reticent to let go of your sense of freedom, which is directly tethered to your happiness. You want to feel like you could drop anything at any time to explore a new opportunity if it happened to arise. You have so many things going on at any given time that it's sometimes difficult to give all of your interests and passions the time they require for you to become proficient with them, and yes, kids are going to change that for you.  I'm not going to lie to you.  It's going to be difficult to take that trip to India in search of your Inner Guru. It's going to be hard for you to quit your job, drop everything, and try your hand at wilderness survival in the Yukon.  It will be pretty much impossible for you to continue to think that living out of your car 'really wouldn't be all that bad'.

Yes, you are going to have to take a step up that responsibility ladder. You are going to have to get a little serious. It is going to require quite a bit of work. You are going to lose some of your uninhibited freedom. But in the end, you will learn more about yourself, Humanity, and the World from your own living room than you ever dreamed possible. You will likely have more 'Aha!' moments in the first year of fatherhood than you have experienced in your entire life up to now. You are embarking on Humanity's greatest and most ancient endeavor, and you never even realized what that was prior to now. This is it. This is actually what you are here for. This is the answer to the question of the meaning of life, and you didn't even have to quit your job and catch a plane to Guatemala to find it.

Possibly the #1 defining trait of any renaissance man is his desire to learn new things.  The good news is that learning to be a good dad counts as learning a new thing! You don't need to feel like you are 'missing out' on some other opportunity to learn something important when you are a dad because learning to be a dad is actually a very important life skill that will enhance your character in a myriad ways. What's more, it is a skill that is ever-evolving.  It is difficult to master.  Some would say impossible to master. There are very few 'experts' in the parenting field.  Everyone starts as a novice and gets roughly the same amount of experience as they go. Best of all, although it is hard work at times, it is also very fun and stimulating, and it contains nearly endless rewards when done properly.

Kids are fantastic creatures.  They have an indefatigable sense of curiosity and wonderment.  They are sponges for new information.  They are quick learners.  They are smart.  They are spontaneous.  They are exciting.  Sound familiar?  All kids are, for all practical purposes, renaissance-people-in-training.  It is not until much later in life that they decide or are pushed to decide to specialize.  They are willing to learn about anything and everything, and they have a genuine and inherent hunger for knowledge. The absolutely fantastic part about that hunger is that you get to give them a lot of that knowledge. You get to teach them about all of the great and interesting things you know, and in return, you gain the satisfaction and pride of knowing that they have become knowledgeable people, at least partially because of you.  And, also, they tend to think you are the smartest person in the World (which, let's face it, you probably are).

Kids are ever-changing.  There is never any need to worry about becoming bored with your kids.  They will be perpetually providing you with new challenges from the day they are born until they begin their own adult adventure, and very likely beyond.  They say incredibly profound and truthful things all the time. You will never feel like you've 'learned enough' about your kids.  In fact, you will likely be prodding them constantly to 'tell you more' about themselves.  They carry the distinction of being  the only people in the entire World with whom you will actually never tire, and that is something miraculous, renaissance man.

Kids will give you a new perspective on the World.  It's not just that you begin to see the World through their eyes (although that does happen), but also you begin to see the World through a parent's eyes.  In an extended and wonderful moment, you suddenly share something with almost every human adult animal on this planet.  Other than the commonalities of basic human needs (water, food, shelter, etc.), this one shared trait will teach you more about the way your fellow World citizens are feeling than anything else because everyone feels roughly the same about their children on some fundamental level, and that feeling is incredibly strong. In other words: everyone else loves their children too; even your 'enemies', lest you believe they are incapable of love.

Kids give you an opportunity to remember what you had forgotten to remember.  Your children will be learning lots of new things.  Some of them they will learn from you.  Some of them they will learn from others.  Some of those things will be things you had learned in the past, but forgotten.  In fact, you had even forgotten that you'd forgotten them.  All of a sudden, here is an opportunity to re-learn that which you had forgotten, and learn it again as if it were the first time.  What gift, Knowledge, when it can be given twice anew! What more could a renaissance man ask for?

Yes, being a renaissance dad is a struggle.  Perhaps you have had to delay some life plans.  Perhaps it has come at an inopportune time, and you wish you had planned for it better or been more prepared. Perhaps you may not have been thinking that the woman who is to be their mother was going to be 'the one'.  And, they will test your relationship.  They will test your patience.  They will make mistakes, and so will you.  They will break your heart.  They will get into trouble.  They will fail.

They will also love you, and you will love them.  It is unlike any other love in the World, and it is indescribable in words.  They will provide you with inspiration.  They will teach you things you had never even known were available to be learned. They will surprise you. They will make you laugh spontaneously and often. They will look up to you. They will fill you with pride. They will cause you to tear up at cute, sappy commercials and/or news reports about other kids. They will tug tears from your eyes when they call you 'Daddy'. They will make you unafraid of germs again. They will teach you wisdom.  They will teach you patience. They will teach you what it is to know that you would willingly die for something in order to protect it. They will give you a valid excuse to go fishing, camping, and to play soccer again.  They will cuddle with you, and you will not be uncomfortable about that at all. They will stop cuddling with you, and you will miss it. They will be the closest thing to a representation of yourself left on this Earth when you are gone; they will be your legacy.                      

They will deeply love you until the End, no matter what.  They are likely among the only people who will.

In short, renaissance dad, they are worth every minute.

     

No comments:

Post a Comment