Career Is A 4-Letter Word

I don't know about you, renaissance man, but among the four-word combinations I hate the most in this World, "What do you do?" has to be right at the top.

What do you mean, what do I do?  You mean, for fun on the weekends?

No, of course not.  You mean, what do I do for a career, right?

Blah.

It's as if the answer to this question is meant to define the wholeness of who you are - as if someone will gain a great understanding into the depths of your very being because you have just told them that you are a technical writer for a software company that produces software designed specifically to organize and track product in hardware stores.  Ohhhhhh, you're one of those types of people, huh?

Let's face it: most careers are pretty boring, at least after a while.  No kid ever dreams of becoming an inside sales consultant for a large pharmaceutical company, except for maybe the kids of those inside sales consultants.  It's not exactly what you would want to be eulogized for, right?  So, why do we, as a society, put so much weight upon this question and its generally disappointing answer?  Is it because we want to feel better about ourselves?  Because we too have had exceedingly boring careers for far too long, and it's always nice to know that other people are miserable too?

Or, could it be that we are trying to confirm that the person we are about to have a potential conversation with is worth our time?  Yes, he's cute, but does he have a good job?  And by good job, she means one that pays reasonably well and isn't Burger King.  Who cares that it's making you a boring, frustrated asshole to be around for the next thirty years, as long as you are bringing home a steady, non-embarrassing paycheck right?  At least you're 'normal'.

OK, I should state unequivocally here that I'm not against careers for everyone.  Some people should definitely have careers.  Some people are born career people, and they are happy to be so.  They answer the 'what do you do' question proudly and without any pent-up angst, regret, or remorse.  They love the fact that their life is secure and they know exactly what they are going to be doing tomorrow, and they genuinely like their job.  They lust not for something 'other' than their status quo.  And, to be honest, the World needs those people.  It just might generally suck without them (Or it could be very fun; I don't know).  But, we're not talking about those people, are we, renaissance man?  No, we're talking about you, and to you, 'career' is a 4-letter word.  

Yes, you went to college, and you did get that degree, which you paid a lot of money for, and you really wouldn't want that to go to waste, right?  I mean, ever since your sophomore year in high school you've been groomed for this 'life path', this 'one thing'.  Yes, of course you will go to college.  Yes, of course you will major in Economics and eventually get your MBA.  Of course you will climb the corporate ladder and be at 'the top of your game', making a 'comfortable' living, in twenty or thirty years, as long as you keep your head down and don't piss off the wrong people. You might even retire 'early' when you are 55 or so.

If you are squirming right now, then you know you are a renaissance man.

It is interesting to note that the etymology of the word career, from the Latin, means 'race', as in race to the finish, or perhaps, rat race?  In any case, it can feel like a race sometimes.  From the moment they put you in that chariot in your early years of high school, the drumbeat of specialization throughout the arena begins.  Yes, you will be a doctor, a lawyer, a corporate manager.  Perhaps even a 'career counselor'.

In any case, I don't need to tell you that this is not for you because you already know this!  So, the idea here is to recognize this and own it.  Let go of the guilt and the pressure to become the average drone.  Let go of the feelings of dread when you look at the next twenty years of riding an office chair (or whatever).  There are other options, as difficult as they are to see sometimes.  Start planning your escape now.  You will need to plan carefully.  Try to contain your impulse to drop everything and run.  You've got plenty of time.  Relax.... relax.... relax....

It is some comfort to know that the 'career' idea, at least in the way that we have come to know it, is a fairly recent phenomenon.  The word was once much more all-encompassing, meaning something like 'all of that which you do productively throughout your life', which could even encompass your unpaid passions and schooling.  It has only relatively recently (within the last fifty or sixty years), and only in certain cultures, been narrowed down to this singularly specialized notion of 'the one job which you will have from now until you retire'.  Considering this, the notion of career historically was very probably something much more generalist in nature, and perhaps even polymathic.  Something the renaissance man could probably get with.

It should come as no surprise to you that I would be promoting the historical notion of career over the modern one.  Your career, renaissance man, should take many and varied forms.  You should have many, many careers.  I would even go so far as to tell you that you should be thinking about your next career as soon as you start your current one.  It might just take that much planning.  Obviously, there are financial and family considerations to be made.  Whether you like it or not, you will probably need to make at least a little bit of money doing something.  If you switch careers, it might mean taking a substantial pay cut, moving someplace else entirely, and perhaps even going back to school (or going to school if you haven't).

I'm not talking here about quitting your job and taking that trip around the World you've been dreaming about (that's for another post).  Rather, this is about the deep and thorough 'learning' of an entirely new trade.  Something that, once learned, will be a valuable arrow in your quiver of life.  Not only does this give you a greater depth of overall knowledge, allowing you to cross-pollinate your ideas to every part of your current life, but it also adds valuable diversification to your 'worth' portfolio.

Think about it: say you are a plumber.  You have spent many years apprenticing and eventually licensing yourself as a journeyman or even master plumber.  You are making pretty decent money, but you are getting the itch to try something new.  So, you begin taking evening computer science classes because you kind of like that field and are interested in learning something about it, anyway (let's pretend this is 1999).  Eventually, when the software companies are so desperate they'll hire anybody because the economy's on full-tilt, you land yourself an entry-level programming job.  Sure, it doesn't pay as well as plumbing, but then again, you're not changing out toilets anymore either.  Time to go back to mac n' cheese from the box for a while.  Soon enough, management recognizes that you are wonderfully diverse and able to think outside the mac n' cheese box, and it's showing up in your work, so you've earned yourself a raise.  Now things aren't quite as bad; you're making almost as much as you did while plumbing, you're happier because you aren't totally burnt out on it yet, and at the end of the day you're still pretty clean.

Next thing you know, the tech sector tanks along with the company you're working for, and you're out of a job.  Blammo!  No one is hiring programmers.  However, you've got an old co-worker buddy who's doing some plumbing for this contractor that's not so bad and they're looking.  So, you take the job.  You're getting your hands dirty again.  And you know what?  It doesn't feel half bad.  It feels pretty good to get out on the jobsite again and thread some pipe and work those muscles for a change.  You'd actually forgotten how not-bad it really is, actually.  Plus, it's nice to be getting a paycheck while all your specialist programmer peers are running out of unemployment, right?  Maybe you'll go for that mechanical engineering degree next.

You see what I mean?  It is a good thing to have more than one career, renaissance man.  It does not mean that you will be less 'valuable' over time.  In fact, it means the opposite.  Go ahead and take that job at that engineering firm in a few years, and see how much they appreciate your background in plumbing and in programming (trust me, they will).  It is not necessary to think that if you give up on specialization, you are giving up on being 'successful'.

And, as you already know, financial success is minor compared to your overall happiness, which you really can't put an income on, renaissance man.        

How To Love A Renaissance Man

So you love a renaissance man?  

Of course you do.

Your renaissance man is smart, talented, interesting, fun, empathetic, as well as legitimately willing and interested to learn about you in every way.  He can fix the drain under the sink, is a great cook, and can take you to the opera and/or ballet and actually enjoy it with you; in fact it was his idea!  He will discuss philosophy and politics with you if you wish, or he might have a deep, in-depth, and actually helpful conversation with you about which native plants will provide the best textural contrast in the raised bed in your front yard... just as soon as he gets home from that hunting trip, that is.  Here's a bonus: he is a great lover (and let's face it; that's a really nice bonus!).

Here is one more thing I have to say to you about loving a renaissance man: God help you.

It should be noted that the very things you love about your renaissance man could likely be your relationship's downfall in the end.  It should also be noted that this is largely not your fault, and has much more to do with the nature of your renaissance man.  But don't worry!  I'm here to help.  All is not lost yet.  I am here to guide you toward a better understanding of your renaissance man in order that you might make some course-corrections before it is too late.

First of all, it would be helpful to reflect on some of the basic defining character traits of the renaissance man in general, because these will become important discussion points as we go forward.  I will put these items in the form of a list, because, well,  lists are easy to read, and dammit, they make for great blogging.

1. Renaissance men are naturally curious and knowledgeable about lots of stuff.  
2. Renaissance men are dedicated to learning about stuff only until they have 'learned enough' about it.
3. Renaissance men are wanderers.
4. Renaissance men really, really, really like to learn new stuff.

OK, so that pretty much boils down a very complicated man into a nice, easy-to-use demi-glace does it not?  We will take each of these points now and expand upon them one by one.


Your renaissance man is naturally knowledgeable and curious.

He is genuinely interested and fascinated with the world.  He has an insatiable kid-like curiosity about things that the average goon you've dated took completely for granted, if he thought of them at all.  In fact, your renaissance man's intelligent curiosity is the kind of thing that led him to become the interesting man that you know and love today.  It is why he can discuss Puccini and Descartes with you, all while installing that new French door you like so much in the hole he just cut in your front wall (it looks great, doesn't it?).

OK, so what's the problem here?  Well, the problem is that your renaissance man might just know everything there is to know about every topic you bring up, or at least it might seem like he thinks that way sometimes.  Certainly he wishes he knew everything, but of course there are lots of things he doesn't know.  For instance, he probably has very little knowledge of women's shoe designers.  Just a guess.  In any case, yes, he just might have a knowledgeable comment on just about every topic you bring up.  He might want to explain to you, in detail, something that is very clear and logical to him, and about which he has some good depth of knowledge, even though you were asking a completely rhetorical question (this is a good Chablis, isn't it?).  In other words, he's a know-it-all.  The problem is, he actually does know it all most of the time.  Obviously, this can be maddening, condescending, and perhaps even a little paternalistic.  Of course, he knows this, which is even more maddening.

So, what to do about this particular problem, which becomes worse and worse the longer you know him?  My best suggestion is to never ask him a question to which you aren't prepared for an in-depth answer.  Also, playfully make fun of him if he's sounding like a professor.  He will of course realize that he's sounding like a professor, and like you all the more for being the girl who can recognize that.  But, here's the best way to counter your renaissance man's know-it-all nature:  know as much or more than he does.  Trust me, this will turn him on to no end (more on this later). Simple, right?


Your renaissance man likes to learn about something only until he has 'learned enough' about it.


To put this another way, your renaissance man gets bored easily.  If something is not engaging his interest with new and exciting ideas often, he will become bored with it and want to move on to something else.  This is what will make your renaissance man come home one day to tell you that he has quit his job after five good years because it just isn't 'doing it' for him anymore, and he'd like to try his hand at sheep-herding (a noble and ancient profession).  This is also what will make your renaissance man drop out of college one semester before graduation because he suddenly realizes 'it's all a sham'.  OK, so that's pretty tough to deal with, but that's not even the worst part yet.  You see, your renaissance man applies the same 'interest meter' to things (i.e. jobs, schooling, hobbies, etc.), as he does to people.

Yes, that includes you, dear.  In other words, your renaissance man will very likely lose interest in you if he feels he has 'learned enough' about you.

I know that sounds harsh, and it probably is, but it remains the truth, nonetheless.  I'm not going to sugar-coat this for you:  you need to remain perpetually interesting to your renaissance man if you want him to continue to be interested in you.  That sounds like an obvious statement, but it is actually going to take some work on your end.  You are not going to stay perpetually interesting by 'just being the girl he fell in love with'.  That will certainly hold him over for a time, but that well is bound to dry up at some point.  Because he is perpetually distracted by and attracted to 'the new', you will constantly have to compete with other things (and people) for your renaissance man's attention, which can be frustrating, isolating, and even hurtful.

There is a solution to this, and it uses your renaissance man's obsession with 'the new' to your advantage.  It is not the easiest solution in the world, but here it is: you will need to change and adapt and become 'new' yourself.  Unfortunately, this implies more than simply changing your hair style/color or being willing to try new 'positions' (although it's certainly worth a shot).  Those things may have worked splendidly on your previous non-renaissance man, who was likely much more concerned about your physical attributes than what interesting things were going on in your head.  But, those superficial alterations will have limited effect on your renaissance man, because he actually is interested in what's going on in your head.

I'm referring here to your fundamental 'you-ness'.  You will need to be perpetually interesting and new to him with your ideas and your passions.  In a sense, you will need to become a 'renaissance woman' to keep your renaissance man's attention.  You will need to try new things and have (your own) multiple and varied interests.  You will have to be the impressively intelligent person who is teaching him about some new and exciting thing you are learning, and that he knows nothing or little about.

Also, and this is important - perhaps even the most important thing you will learn from this post: for God's sake, do not make the fatal flaw of only living vicariously through your renaissance man.  He cannot be your sole interest.  He cannot be your only key to happiness or excitement in this life; you must create your own interests and passions, and by doing so you will become interesting yourself.

Nothing is sexier and/or more interesting to a renaissance man than a confident, complex, well-rounded, and intelligent woman.  Nothing.


Your renaissance man is a wanderer.

This is why he has very impressive stories about the year he spent in Burgundy, learning about all things French, including how to make a near-perfect Pinot Noir.   This is why you were impressed with his story about how he spent three months training in Pakistan before he climbed K2.  The problem is, now that he's met you, you want him to settle down, right?  Maybe buy a house, picket fence, two and a half kids... all that.  OK, well the house and kids might happen, but if you think you're going to get the renaissance man to 'settle down', think again, honey.  It ain't gonna happen.  At least, not for good.

Sure, he might try the 'settle down' thing for a while, just to see how it works.  After all, he's a curious man, and he wants to explore all things, including settling down.  But, there will be a time, maybe five years, maybe ten, it might not be soon, but the day will come when your renaissance man will get bit by the wanderlust bug and need to explore someplace new.  He will need a new quest.  He'll likely want to go somewhere far away, perhaps even another country, far from your friends, far from your family, far from the kids' schools.  His desire to leave this current place will become so strong that if you attempt to force him to stay, he will become miserable and contemptuous, like an animal in a cage.

So, what to do about his wandering spirit.  What to do when he wants you to pack everything up and move to Reykjavik?

Do it.

What do you have to lose?  Your job?  Pshaw!  You'll find another.  Your friends?  You'll meet new friends.  Your kids' schools?  They have schools in Iceland, and besides your kids will learn far more from the travel and the new place than they ever would from the school (and so will you).  Yes, you will miss your family, but that is why they make telephones and airplanes, and besides, now there's Skype (which I have to mention from time to time to keep the blogosphere happy).  Plus, your renaissance man will love you for your adventurous spirit, as long as you don't complain about Iceland the whole time.

What are your alternatives?  Live with a miserable caged animal?  Or, how about: let him go by himself.  I think you know how that would end up.  Remember, the 'wanderer' spirit applies not only to places but to people as well, including you.  If you let your renaissance man wander without you, he will wander with someone else; I can almost guarantee that.


Your renaissance man really likes to learn about new things.

This is really the culmination of the previous three list items.  It is important to remember that this is exactly what made your renaissance man interesting to you in the first place.  He is multi-faceted.  He is intelligent.  He is skilled.  He has learned every part of your body and how it works, and he's still finding new ways to please you.  This is what makes him a great man to be with.  He is never dull.  He is always intriguing.  He is the sexiest, most interesting man in the World.  Yes, it is true that you will have to work to keep his attention.  You will need to become an interesting and multi-faceted woman to hold his interest long-term.  Perhaps you already are.  Perhaps that is why he is still with you.  Perhaps you've already followed him on his adventures.  Perhaps you've had him follow you on yours.  Maybe you are perfect for each other.

Just remember this: don't ever try to force your renaissance man into the box of the boring and miserable man that you would not have been interested in loving to begin with.  Don't try to talk him in to keeping that boring job just because you like the paycheck.  Don't try to talk him out of moving to Flagstaff just because you don't know anyone there.  Maybe he doesn't want to plant a garden this year.  He's already done that for five years and he doesn't want to do it anymore.  Don't pressure him to be the same man that he is today or was last year or five years ago.  He will change.  He will grow.  He will be impulsive.  He will require patience.

But, he will be worth it.  He will definitely not be boring.  He will continue to be the sexiest and most interesting man in the World.  And in the end, as in the beginning, that is what you love about him, isn't it?