It has been a while since my last post. I'm certain my hundreds (thousands?) of renaissance men followers were biting their nails in anticipation of my next post. Perhaps you were thinking I had given up on the idea. Perhaps you were thinking I had perished on my latest skydiving attempt. Perhaps I had fallen into a crevasse in my recent attempt at the summit of K2?
All true.
I have been living, my brothers. Something I encourage all of you to do, as well.
Life is short. An ancient truth that becomes clearer to me as the days pass by, ever more quickly.
Don't spend it staring at a computer. Don't spend it in tedium or negativity. The World awaits.
The multitude of accomplishments yet unconquered... remain... yearning to bend under your assault.
Tilt your lance square at the shield of your desires and knock them from their high horse, my friends.
Our days are limited for good reason: in order that each one remains precious. Don't waste them.
Move forward. Incessantly.
-RM
Showing posts with label universal man. Show all posts
Showing posts with label universal man. Show all posts
Friday, October 26, 2012
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
What Good Are Generalists, Anyway?
The World has seen a steady increase in specialization over the past century. This is no secret. In fact, it has become much more 'normal' to specialize than to be a generalist in the modern world. But, we wouldn't need to stretch too far back in history to find a time when almost all people were generalists to some degree. Not very long ago, most people needed to know how to build their own homes, to grow their own food, to hunt, to determine the mechanics of and build a windmill, to assess the advantageous biological traits that would pass on through breeding. Not long ago, reading literature and playing music were nearly the only form of everyday entertainment, and writing letters was nearly the only form of long-distance communication.
Of course, cars and airplanes had not been invented, much less computers, and plenty of people were dying every day from Small Pox, among other horrible diseases. And, there was no such thing as Super String Theory. So, obviously we have made some progress, albeit in which direction remains to be seen.
Is hyper-specialization truly the future of humanity? Are we destined to become further and further specialized? Will we need to have 8 physicians present in the exam room, each reporting on something specific to inform us of the totality of our ailments? Perhaps it is so. And, perhaps it ought to be so. There are certainly many positive things that could be said about specialization.
None come to mind at the moment, but I'm sure there's something.
However, what say you for the generalist? What say you for the man who refuses to specialize - for the man who cannot specialize? What say you for the man to whom specialization is anathema? Is the generalist a Quagga, never able to decide whether to be a horse or a zebra, bound for extinction? What good is a generalist, anyway?
Possibly the greatest trait of the generalist is his ability to innovate. Never was this truer than in the persona of Leonardo da Vinci, but there are many, many other examples of creatively innovative generalists throughout time (I welcome your favorite examples in the comments). A generalist draws upon all of his varied life experiences in every daily task. When he is presented with a problem, it is likely that he has had some alternative life experience from which to draw in order to solve it creatively. This is the proverbial 'thinking outside the box' paradigm. A generalist, by his very nature, seeks out multiple and varied life experiences in order to remain contented, and these varied experiences supply him with the ideas to cross-pollinate solutions into other areas of his life. I would submit, in fact, that most innovations spring from a generalistic well. In many cases the generalist is probably the instigator of the innovative idea, whereupon the specialist is either contracted to hone, elaborate upon, or simply steals the idea outright.
It is almost necessary that a new, creative innovation originate with a generalist, or at least a generalistic thought. The reason it hadn't been thought of before is precisely because it took the unique life experience of that particular creative individual to bring his experience to bear upon the problem. It is the generalist who connects his past experiences in a way that no specialist could when the statement "I wish there was something that would make this be this way," or "I wish there was something that would do this" is issued. This statement, whether issued by the generalist within himself or by another person, sets a chain-reaction of memory and creativity alight within the generalist's mind. He connects the dots. He has used, seen, or done something similar in the past that just might work with a little modification in this situation. Completely unrelated to the original application perhaps, but definitely applicable with some minor, situation-specific modifications.
It is not absolutely necessary for the generalistic idea to spring from a generalist, mind you. Even the most specialized specialist will have life experience to create a few connecting dots here or there. However, a true generalist will necessarily have many more dots to connect, thereby increasing the chances that the innovation originates with him.
The Empathetic Humanist
Because of the Generalist's wandering and multipathic nature, he has created for himself the opportunity to 'see how the other half live', whomever they might be. The generalist has therefore developed an uncanny ability to 'fit in' among several different types of crowds. He can apply his life experience with individuals from all walks of life to any situation. He is chameleonic without straying into conformity. He can choose his words carefully based upon his experiential knowledge of how this particular audience will hear those words. More than that, he has actually been this audience at one point or another, which is why he has this ability. He has 'walked a mile in their shoes', so the saying goes, and is therefore able to relate empathetically to them.
Generalists have this ability to empathize where specialists do not because of their varied life experience with a multitude of people, places and things. Specialists tend to congregate amongst their own, and therefore have a much narrower world view. It can almost not be helped. These are the experiences that each has known throughout his life, but the Generalist has known many different and varied types of people, places, and things, where the Specialist has known relatively few by comparison. It could be said that the Specialist will end up knowing a certain type of person very well, but it is then also true that the Generalist will know people well.
This trait is useful in that generalists tend to be very good communicators. They tend to understand which words will play well with certain people and which words will not. They also tend to know how to say things in a way that most people will understand. They can take in and understand a specialist's communication and break it down in a way that will be understood by many dissonantly-specialized people, as well as the common lay-person, which is becoming more and more important as our world becomes ever more hyper-specialized. Sticking within the communications realm, generalists tend to make very good marketers and/or salesmen because of their ability to understand how several different types of people will react to stimuli, an obvious benefit when one is trying to convince someone to buy or do something.
Generalists tend to know people well, and are therefore better than most at managing them. A generalist tends to understand what will motivate and/or dissuade a person from doing or not doing something. Again, the Generalist has probably been in the same or very similar situation to the one in which the person they are managing is, and is therefore able to call upon his life experience to understand how that person will be motivated. Because of this, a generalist even has the ability to be persuasive to the point of manipulation, albeit in a generally empathetic way. This tends to leave generalists in a good position to become Human Resource Managers or Behavioral Therapists, for instance.
The Climber
Generalists are not very good at specialization; it is actually repulsive to them in varying degrees. This is in some way what motivates the generalist more than most to 'climb the ladder'. There is only so much time that a generalist will tolerate the mail room, literally or figuratively. He will either move on or move up. Very often he will be moving up, rung by rung, until at some point he finds that he is at the top of the ladder. The view can tend to be nice up there for a generalist. CEOs and Executive Managers of companies big and small are, by necessity, generalists. They do not have time to specialize in every aspect of the organization in order to be effective, even if that was their desire.
However, most generalists have a great ability to see 'the big picture' more effectively than most, which suits them well in this position. Generalists can piece together many disparate parts of the puzzle in order to make decisions about the broad directions that need to be taken in any given organization. Although the generalist will necessarily not be a specialist in every aspect of the company or organization's operations, he will be somewhat proficient in many of the areas for which he is being briefed on a regular basis, allowing him to generally know enough of everything to make the good decisions that need to be made in a changing environment.
It should be noted that this trait is not only a useful one in the business world, but also with respect to leadership in general. Generalists, for instance, can make fantastic social and military leaders because of their ability to connect the dots and see the big picture that others might not see.
The Trustworthy Sage
History has always valued the 'Wise Man'. This is the guy you go to when you just need some general advice about something, and he usually has a pretty intelligent answer to offer. He is an educated man, but more than that he is a man with varied and useful experience. Even when he doesn't necessarily know the answer to the question, he can surmise a relatively good guess from his other varied and useful life experiences, as well as his education. And, if all else fails, he can at least suggest where to find the answer if he does not have it. This is a guy you can trust because he generally steers you in the right direction.
In many ways, the World needs more of these men. Trust is a disappearing commodity, it seems, in our time, along with wisdom (sadly). Perhaps that seemed true in every time, and perhaps that is a cynical thought, but in a world where many of the 'educated' people know very little about anyone else, and where plenty of the education they do have is coming from sources such as 'reality' TV, it is hard not to become cynical. Think about men such as Thomas Jefferson and/or Benjamin Franklin. Where are these men in our time, and can their tempered voices rise above the cacophonous buzz of argumentative specialist 'experts' even if they do still exist?
It seems people are listening to and taking advice more and more from the specialists. This is the kind of thing that leads one to the knowledge that eating salmon will both cure your heart disease and cancer, as well as kill you horrifically via mercury poisoning, all in the same week. Perhaps we should have just been listening to the wise man all along who said: "anything in moderation."
So, that's about everything that generalists are good for (not really; there's much more).
Here's one last thing, though: Generalists are much more fun than specialists. It's been scientifically proven.
Well, there you go, you've wasted another good fifteen minutes of your life when you could have been fishing or playing Angry Birds or something.
As usual, please don't hesitate to add to this with your comments, and if you find any of this interesting, don't hesitate to subscribe and/or spread it around.
And, just in case anyone was going to comment on this, let me save you the trouble: yes, you can substitute 'she' for 'he' in any of the above post.
Of course, cars and airplanes had not been invented, much less computers, and plenty of people were dying every day from Small Pox, among other horrible diseases. And, there was no such thing as Super String Theory. So, obviously we have made some progress, albeit in which direction remains to be seen.
Is hyper-specialization truly the future of humanity? Are we destined to become further and further specialized? Will we need to have 8 physicians present in the exam room, each reporting on something specific to inform us of the totality of our ailments? Perhaps it is so. And, perhaps it ought to be so. There are certainly many positive things that could be said about specialization.
None come to mind at the moment, but I'm sure there's something.
However, what say you for the generalist? What say you for the man who refuses to specialize - for the man who cannot specialize? What say you for the man to whom specialization is anathema? Is the generalist a Quagga, never able to decide whether to be a horse or a zebra, bound for extinction? What good is a generalist, anyway?
The Creative Innovator
Possibly the greatest trait of the generalist is his ability to innovate. Never was this truer than in the persona of Leonardo da Vinci, but there are many, many other examples of creatively innovative generalists throughout time (I welcome your favorite examples in the comments). A generalist draws upon all of his varied life experiences in every daily task. When he is presented with a problem, it is likely that he has had some alternative life experience from which to draw in order to solve it creatively. This is the proverbial 'thinking outside the box' paradigm. A generalist, by his very nature, seeks out multiple and varied life experiences in order to remain contented, and these varied experiences supply him with the ideas to cross-pollinate solutions into other areas of his life. I would submit, in fact, that most innovations spring from a generalistic well. In many cases the generalist is probably the instigator of the innovative idea, whereupon the specialist is either contracted to hone, elaborate upon, or simply steals the idea outright.
It is almost necessary that a new, creative innovation originate with a generalist, or at least a generalistic thought. The reason it hadn't been thought of before is precisely because it took the unique life experience of that particular creative individual to bring his experience to bear upon the problem. It is the generalist who connects his past experiences in a way that no specialist could when the statement "I wish there was something that would make this be this way," or "I wish there was something that would do this" is issued. This statement, whether issued by the generalist within himself or by another person, sets a chain-reaction of memory and creativity alight within the generalist's mind. He connects the dots. He has used, seen, or done something similar in the past that just might work with a little modification in this situation. Completely unrelated to the original application perhaps, but definitely applicable with some minor, situation-specific modifications.
It is not absolutely necessary for the generalistic idea to spring from a generalist, mind you. Even the most specialized specialist will have life experience to create a few connecting dots here or there. However, a true generalist will necessarily have many more dots to connect, thereby increasing the chances that the innovation originates with him.
The Empathetic Humanist
Generalists have this ability to empathize where specialists do not because of their varied life experience with a multitude of people, places and things. Specialists tend to congregate amongst their own, and therefore have a much narrower world view. It can almost not be helped. These are the experiences that each has known throughout his life, but the Generalist has known many different and varied types of people, places, and things, where the Specialist has known relatively few by comparison. It could be said that the Specialist will end up knowing a certain type of person very well, but it is then also true that the Generalist will know people well.
This trait is useful in that generalists tend to be very good communicators. They tend to understand which words will play well with certain people and which words will not. They also tend to know how to say things in a way that most people will understand. They can take in and understand a specialist's communication and break it down in a way that will be understood by many dissonantly-specialized people, as well as the common lay-person, which is becoming more and more important as our world becomes ever more hyper-specialized. Sticking within the communications realm, generalists tend to make very good marketers and/or salesmen because of their ability to understand how several different types of people will react to stimuli, an obvious benefit when one is trying to convince someone to buy or do something.
Generalists tend to know people well, and are therefore better than most at managing them. A generalist tends to understand what will motivate and/or dissuade a person from doing or not doing something. Again, the Generalist has probably been in the same or very similar situation to the one in which the person they are managing is, and is therefore able to call upon his life experience to understand how that person will be motivated. Because of this, a generalist even has the ability to be persuasive to the point of manipulation, albeit in a generally empathetic way. This tends to leave generalists in a good position to become Human Resource Managers or Behavioral Therapists, for instance.
The Climber
Generalists are not very good at specialization; it is actually repulsive to them in varying degrees. This is in some way what motivates the generalist more than most to 'climb the ladder'. There is only so much time that a generalist will tolerate the mail room, literally or figuratively. He will either move on or move up. Very often he will be moving up, rung by rung, until at some point he finds that he is at the top of the ladder. The view can tend to be nice up there for a generalist. CEOs and Executive Managers of companies big and small are, by necessity, generalists. They do not have time to specialize in every aspect of the organization in order to be effective, even if that was their desire.
However, most generalists have a great ability to see 'the big picture' more effectively than most, which suits them well in this position. Generalists can piece together many disparate parts of the puzzle in order to make decisions about the broad directions that need to be taken in any given organization. Although the generalist will necessarily not be a specialist in every aspect of the company or organization's operations, he will be somewhat proficient in many of the areas for which he is being briefed on a regular basis, allowing him to generally know enough of everything to make the good decisions that need to be made in a changing environment.
It should be noted that this trait is not only a useful one in the business world, but also with respect to leadership in general. Generalists, for instance, can make fantastic social and military leaders because of their ability to connect the dots and see the big picture that others might not see.
The Trustworthy Sage
History has always valued the 'Wise Man'. This is the guy you go to when you just need some general advice about something, and he usually has a pretty intelligent answer to offer. He is an educated man, but more than that he is a man with varied and useful experience. Even when he doesn't necessarily know the answer to the question, he can surmise a relatively good guess from his other varied and useful life experiences, as well as his education. And, if all else fails, he can at least suggest where to find the answer if he does not have it. This is a guy you can trust because he generally steers you in the right direction.
In many ways, the World needs more of these men. Trust is a disappearing commodity, it seems, in our time, along with wisdom (sadly). Perhaps that seemed true in every time, and perhaps that is a cynical thought, but in a world where many of the 'educated' people know very little about anyone else, and where plenty of the education they do have is coming from sources such as 'reality' TV, it is hard not to become cynical. Think about men such as Thomas Jefferson and/or Benjamin Franklin. Where are these men in our time, and can their tempered voices rise above the cacophonous buzz of argumentative specialist 'experts' even if they do still exist?
It seems people are listening to and taking advice more and more from the specialists. This is the kind of thing that leads one to the knowledge that eating salmon will both cure your heart disease and cancer, as well as kill you horrifically via mercury poisoning, all in the same week. Perhaps we should have just been listening to the wise man all along who said: "anything in moderation."
So, that's about everything that generalists are good for (not really; there's much more).
Here's one last thing, though: Generalists are much more fun than specialists. It's been scientifically proven.
Well, there you go, you've wasted another good fifteen minutes of your life when you could have been fishing or playing Angry Birds or something.
As usual, please don't hesitate to add to this with your comments, and if you find any of this interesting, don't hesitate to subscribe and/or spread it around.
And, just in case anyone was going to comment on this, let me save you the trouble: yes, you can substitute 'she' for 'he' in any of the above post.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
How To Be A Renaissance Dad
OK, so your girlfriend/wife has been hitting the Ben & Jerry's pretty hard, is complaining that she 'thinks she's coming down with something' every few hours because she's nauseous, and she just polished off an entire jar of pickles in one sitting.
Time to go cigar shopping, boy, you're going to be a dad.
Don't panic! I know, it may have seemed like the end of the world for those few minutes after she confirmed it for you, but trust me, this will turn out much better than you had ever imagined. Resist the urge to change your name, move to Zihuatenejo, and become a lifelong deadbeat margarita poet. Step up the plate, my man. It's time to Man Up. Believe me, you won't regret it.
I know, you had plans to travel the world. You wanted to focus on exploring your late-night, rock-star lifestyle just a little while longer. Plus, kids freak you out. They scare the crap out of you. You don't even know how to hold one, much less keep one fed, clothed, and off the Smack.
Relax.
Even though you don't realize it now, this is going to be your greatest adventure.
As a renaissance man, you are reticent to let go of your sense of freedom, which is directly tethered to your happiness. You want to feel like you could drop anything at any time to explore a new opportunity if it happened to arise. You have so many things going on at any given time that it's sometimes difficult to give all of your interests and passions the time they require for you to become proficient with them, and yes, kids are going to change that for you. I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to be difficult to take that trip to India in search of your Inner Guru. It's going to be hard for you to quit your job, drop everything, and try your hand at wilderness survival in the Yukon. It will be pretty much impossible for you to continue to think that living out of your car 'really wouldn't be all that bad'.
Yes, you are going to have to take a step up that responsibility ladder. You are going to have to get a little serious. It is going to require quite a bit of work. You are going to lose some of your uninhibited freedom. But in the end, you will learn more about yourself, Humanity, and the World from your own living room than you ever dreamed possible. You will likely have more 'Aha!' moments in the first year of fatherhood than you have experienced in your entire life up to now. You are embarking on Humanity's greatest and most ancient endeavor, and you never even realized what that was prior to now. This is it. This is actually what you are here for. This is the answer to the question of the meaning of life, and you didn't even have to quit your job and catch a plane to Guatemala to find it.
Possibly the #1 defining trait of any renaissance man is his desire to learn new things. The good news is that learning to be a good dad counts as learning a new thing! You don't need to feel like you are 'missing out' on some other opportunity to learn something important when you are a dad because learning to be a dad is actually a very important life skill that will enhance your character in a myriad ways. What's more, it is a skill that is ever-evolving. It is difficult to master. Some would say impossible to master. There are very few 'experts' in the parenting field. Everyone starts as a novice and gets roughly the same amount of experience as they go. Best of all, although it is hard work at times, it is also very fun and stimulating, and it contains nearly endless rewards when done properly.
Kids are fantastic creatures. They have an indefatigable sense of curiosity and wonderment. They are sponges for new information. They are quick learners. They are smart. They are spontaneous. They are exciting. Sound familiar? All kids are, for all practical purposes, renaissance-people-in-training. It is not until much later in life that they decide or are pushed to decide to specialize. They are willing to learn about anything and everything, and they have a genuine and inherent hunger for knowledge. The absolutely fantastic part about that hunger is that you get to give them a lot of that knowledge. You get to teach them about all of the great and interesting things you know, and in return, you gain the satisfaction and pride of knowing that they have become knowledgeable people, at least partially because of you. And, also, they tend to think you are the smartest person in the World (which, let's face it, you probably are).
Kids are ever-changing. There is never any need to worry about becoming bored with your kids. They will be perpetually providing you with new challenges from the day they are born until they begin their own adult adventure, and very likely beyond. They say incredibly profound and truthful things all the time. You will never feel like you've 'learned enough' about your kids. In fact, you will likely be prodding them constantly to 'tell you more' about themselves. They carry the distinction of being the only people in the entire World with whom you will actually never tire, and that is something miraculous, renaissance man.
Kids will give you a new perspective on the World. It's not just that you begin to see the World through their eyes (although that does happen), but also you begin to see the World through a parent's eyes. In an extended and wonderful moment, you suddenly share something with almost every human adult animal on this planet. Other than the commonalities of basic human needs (water, food, shelter, etc.), this one shared trait will teach you more about the way your fellow World citizens are feeling than anything else because everyone feels roughly the same about their children on some fundamental level, and that feeling is incredibly strong. In other words: everyone else loves their children too; even your 'enemies', lest you believe they are incapable of love.
Kids give you an opportunity to remember what you had forgotten to remember. Your children will be learning lots of new things. Some of them they will learn from you. Some of them they will learn from others. Some of those things will be things you had learned in the past, but forgotten. In fact, you had even forgotten that you'd forgotten them. All of a sudden, here is an opportunity to re-learn that which you had forgotten, and learn it again as if it were the first time. What gift, Knowledge, when it can be given twice anew! What more could a renaissance man ask for?
Yes, being a renaissance dad is a struggle. Perhaps you have had to delay some life plans. Perhaps it has come at an inopportune time, and you wish you had planned for it better or been more prepared. Perhaps you may not have been thinking that the woman who is to be their mother was going to be 'the one'. And, they will test your relationship. They will test your patience. They will make mistakes, and so will you. They will break your heart. They will get into trouble. They will fail.
They will also love you, and you will love them. It is unlike any other love in the World, and it is indescribable in words. They will provide you with inspiration. They will teach you things you had never even known were available to be learned. They will surprise you. They will make you laugh spontaneously and often. They will look up to you. They will fill you with pride. They will cause you to tear up at cute, sappy commercials and/or news reports about other kids. They will tug tears from your eyes when they call you 'Daddy'. They will make you unafraid of germs again. They will teach you wisdom. They will teach you patience. They will teach you what it is to know that you would willingly die for something in order to protect it. They will give you a valid excuse to go fishing, camping, and to play soccer again. They will cuddle with you, and you will not be uncomfortable about that at all. They will stop cuddling with you, and you will miss it. They will be the closest thing to a representation of yourself left on this Earth when you are gone; they will be your legacy.
They will deeply love you until the End, no matter what. They are likely among the only people who will.
In short, renaissance dad, they are worth every minute.
Time to go cigar shopping, boy, you're going to be a dad.
Don't panic! I know, it may have seemed like the end of the world for those few minutes after she confirmed it for you, but trust me, this will turn out much better than you had ever imagined. Resist the urge to change your name, move to Zihuatenejo, and become a lifelong deadbeat margarita poet. Step up the plate, my man. It's time to Man Up. Believe me, you won't regret it.
I know, you had plans to travel the world. You wanted to focus on exploring your late-night, rock-star lifestyle just a little while longer. Plus, kids freak you out. They scare the crap out of you. You don't even know how to hold one, much less keep one fed, clothed, and off the Smack.
Relax.
Even though you don't realize it now, this is going to be your greatest adventure.
As a renaissance man, you are reticent to let go of your sense of freedom, which is directly tethered to your happiness. You want to feel like you could drop anything at any time to explore a new opportunity if it happened to arise. You have so many things going on at any given time that it's sometimes difficult to give all of your interests and passions the time they require for you to become proficient with them, and yes, kids are going to change that for you. I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to be difficult to take that trip to India in search of your Inner Guru. It's going to be hard for you to quit your job, drop everything, and try your hand at wilderness survival in the Yukon. It will be pretty much impossible for you to continue to think that living out of your car 'really wouldn't be all that bad'.
Yes, you are going to have to take a step up that responsibility ladder. You are going to have to get a little serious. It is going to require quite a bit of work. You are going to lose some of your uninhibited freedom. But in the end, you will learn more about yourself, Humanity, and the World from your own living room than you ever dreamed possible. You will likely have more 'Aha!' moments in the first year of fatherhood than you have experienced in your entire life up to now. You are embarking on Humanity's greatest and most ancient endeavor, and you never even realized what that was prior to now. This is it. This is actually what you are here for. This is the answer to the question of the meaning of life, and you didn't even have to quit your job and catch a plane to Guatemala to find it.
Possibly the #1 defining trait of any renaissance man is his desire to learn new things. The good news is that learning to be a good dad counts as learning a new thing! You don't need to feel like you are 'missing out' on some other opportunity to learn something important when you are a dad because learning to be a dad is actually a very important life skill that will enhance your character in a myriad ways. What's more, it is a skill that is ever-evolving. It is difficult to master. Some would say impossible to master. There are very few 'experts' in the parenting field. Everyone starts as a novice and gets roughly the same amount of experience as they go. Best of all, although it is hard work at times, it is also very fun and stimulating, and it contains nearly endless rewards when done properly.
Kids are fantastic creatures. They have an indefatigable sense of curiosity and wonderment. They are sponges for new information. They are quick learners. They are smart. They are spontaneous. They are exciting. Sound familiar? All kids are, for all practical purposes, renaissance-people-in-training. It is not until much later in life that they decide or are pushed to decide to specialize. They are willing to learn about anything and everything, and they have a genuine and inherent hunger for knowledge. The absolutely fantastic part about that hunger is that you get to give them a lot of that knowledge. You get to teach them about all of the great and interesting things you know, and in return, you gain the satisfaction and pride of knowing that they have become knowledgeable people, at least partially because of you. And, also, they tend to think you are the smartest person in the World (which, let's face it, you probably are).
Kids are ever-changing. There is never any need to worry about becoming bored with your kids. They will be perpetually providing you with new challenges from the day they are born until they begin their own adult adventure, and very likely beyond. They say incredibly profound and truthful things all the time. You will never feel like you've 'learned enough' about your kids. In fact, you will likely be prodding them constantly to 'tell you more' about themselves. They carry the distinction of being the only people in the entire World with whom you will actually never tire, and that is something miraculous, renaissance man.
Kids will give you a new perspective on the World. It's not just that you begin to see the World through their eyes (although that does happen), but also you begin to see the World through a parent's eyes. In an extended and wonderful moment, you suddenly share something with almost every human adult animal on this planet. Other than the commonalities of basic human needs (water, food, shelter, etc.), this one shared trait will teach you more about the way your fellow World citizens are feeling than anything else because everyone feels roughly the same about their children on some fundamental level, and that feeling is incredibly strong. In other words: everyone else loves their children too; even your 'enemies', lest you believe they are incapable of love.
Kids give you an opportunity to remember what you had forgotten to remember. Your children will be learning lots of new things. Some of them they will learn from you. Some of them they will learn from others. Some of those things will be things you had learned in the past, but forgotten. In fact, you had even forgotten that you'd forgotten them. All of a sudden, here is an opportunity to re-learn that which you had forgotten, and learn it again as if it were the first time. What gift, Knowledge, when it can be given twice anew! What more could a renaissance man ask for?
Yes, being a renaissance dad is a struggle. Perhaps you have had to delay some life plans. Perhaps it has come at an inopportune time, and you wish you had planned for it better or been more prepared. Perhaps you may not have been thinking that the woman who is to be their mother was going to be 'the one'. And, they will test your relationship. They will test your patience. They will make mistakes, and so will you. They will break your heart. They will get into trouble. They will fail.
They will also love you, and you will love them. It is unlike any other love in the World, and it is indescribable in words. They will provide you with inspiration. They will teach you things you had never even known were available to be learned. They will surprise you. They will make you laugh spontaneously and often. They will look up to you. They will fill you with pride. They will cause you to tear up at cute, sappy commercials and/or news reports about other kids. They will tug tears from your eyes when they call you 'Daddy'. They will make you unafraid of germs again. They will teach you wisdom. They will teach you patience. They will teach you what it is to know that you would willingly die for something in order to protect it. They will give you a valid excuse to go fishing, camping, and to play soccer again. They will cuddle with you, and you will not be uncomfortable about that at all. They will stop cuddling with you, and you will miss it. They will be the closest thing to a representation of yourself left on this Earth when you are gone; they will be your legacy.
They will deeply love you until the End, no matter what. They are likely among the only people who will.
In short, renaissance dad, they are worth every minute.
Friday, June 10, 2011
How to Quit Your Job
I have learned a lot of things in this life, mostly through experience, good or otherwise, and I've had plenty of experience quitting my job. In fact, I've nearly perfected the art of quitting my job. I've quit my job the 'wrong way' plenty of times, as well as the 'right way', so I'm going to pass on some of that earned wisdom so that other renaissance men (or really, anyone) can benefit from my mistakes.
It's important to understand that if you hate your job, you must quit it. It's not really a matter of whether, but rather how and when. If you're anything like me, and I suspect you are, renaissance man, you will probably be needing to do this about once every two or three years, on average, so it's a skill you will need to develop. Now, don't get me wrong, if you like your job, by all means keep at it. If you're still doing the same job ten years down the road and loving it, you may have just found your 'thing'. You may also not be a renaissance man if you love what you're doing for ten years, but there are worse things in life than loving your job, that's for certain. Always remember that your personal happiness and fulfillment is much more important than any job, or being or not being a renaissance man. It's also important to note that you can continue to be a renaissance man even if you do have the same job for ten or more years, it just makes it somewhat less likely.
So, without further ado, here are some guidelines to help you quit your job:
- Decide to Quit Your Job. This is an important first step. You should make the conscious decision to quit your job. The idea may have been rolling around in your head for a while, consciously or subconsciously, but now it's time to make it official. Maybe you are becoming less stimulated with your tasks. Perhaps you've even become bored. Maybe you've been feeling that the work or the company ethic goes against your core values. Possibly your boss and/or manager is a total prick (very likely). There comes a moment in every job, I've found, that not only has the pleasure gone out of the job, but you actually dread getting up and going to work in the morning. It's become so tedious and/or stressful (in a bad way) and/or lame that you are seriously considering calling in sick just because you'd rather shove an ice-pick up your ass than go to work and pretend like you don't hate being there. OK, if you've gotten to this point, you probably should have quit a while ago. When you start feeling like you'd rather be just about anywhere than at your job, you probably should decide that it's time to work on quitting. This is not something that happens overnight, so it's important to catch the signs early before an eruption occurs (more on that later). The sooner you make the decision to quit your job, the sooner you will be able to quit successfully, which will add years of happiness to your life, as long as you do it correctly.
- Decide How to Quit. My dad, although not exactly a renaissance man, always gave me the very sage advice that you should never quit your job until you have another one lined up. My dad was a very practical man, and not subject to the whims of the renaissance man, but this is nonetheless exceedingly good advice. At the very least, you should be looking very carefully at what you will be doing after you quit your job. Far too many weary and unprepared renaissance men quit their jobs in fits of rage or frustration without properly planning their next move. This is a mistake you will recover from, but it might be painful, and could have repercussions that you had not considered fully. For instance, if you have just been condescendingly reprimanded by your small-minded and superficial boss for the 'last time', and you've reached and gone beyond the boiling point, and you've used some language that perhaps you wouldn't have otherwise used in professional conversation, chances are that you will regret this. Sure, it will make you feel pretty good for the short-term. As you walk out the door, you might even feel an overwhelming satisfaction at finally letting the tiger out of the cage after keeping him pent up for so long. But now what are you going to do? If you're like most people, you've got bills to pay, and you probably like to eat from time to time, and now you are going to have to start a job search that could take months or longer, depending on the economic climate. What's worse, now you won't be able to use that job as a reference on your résumé, which is going to make it even tougher for you to get hired somewhere else. Yes, the urge to blow off your pressurized steam when you're quitting your job can be very tempting, but you should make every attempt to quit your job after proper planning, and with proper, professional notice to your employer. You will not regret this.
- Decide When to Quit. If your boss has just gotten in your face for the 'last time', here's my advice: eat it. I realize, of course, that there will be a nearly overwhelming urge to knock him to the ground right there and crush his puny (or fat) neck. Resist that urge. Swallow that pride of yours and resolve (quietly) to settle on your next course of action. Then, 'resign' from your position only when you are calm and have your next course of action clearly mapped out. This can be as easy as deciding that it's time to use up some of that savings to take some time off and explore the World. Or, perhaps you've been secretly designing Lederhosen (a particular passion of yours) for the past couple of years, and you want to make a go with that Lederhosen online store. You think the time is right for Lederhosen Online. Or, maybe you've just been putting your résumé out there for a while and you've finally gotten that offer you were looking for. Whatever it is, once you decide what you are going to do next, the answer when to quit becomes easy: as soon as practicably possible. Just remember, always give proper and professional notice to your current employer. The old addage about 'not burning bridges', although not always one hundred percent relevant, is generally good advice, nonetheless. You will never regret quitting in the 'right way', but you may have some regret quitting in the 'wrong way' (although you'll probably get over that, too).
Just try not to yell at your boss like a crazy person.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Career Is A 4-Letter Word
I don't know about you, renaissance man, but among the four-word combinations I hate the most in this World, "What do you do?" has to be right at the top.
What do you mean, what do I do? You mean, for fun on the weekends?
No, of course not. You mean, what do I do for a career, right?
Blah.
It's as if the answer to this question is meant to define the wholeness of who you are - as if someone will gain a great understanding into the depths of your very being because you have just told them that you are a technical writer for a software company that produces software designed specifically to organize and track product in hardware stores. Ohhhhhh, you're one of those types of people, huh?
Let's face it: most careers are pretty boring, at least after a while. No kid ever dreams of becoming an inside sales consultant for a large pharmaceutical company, except for maybe the kids of those inside sales consultants. It's not exactly what you would want to be eulogized for, right? So, why do we, as a society, put so much weight upon this question and its generally disappointing answer? Is it because we want to feel better about ourselves? Because we too have had exceedingly boring careers for far too long, and it's always nice to know that other people are miserable too?
Or, could it be that we are trying to confirm that the person we are about to have a potential conversation with is worth our time? Yes, he's cute, but does he have a good job? And by good job, she means one that pays reasonably well and isn't Burger King. Who cares that it's making you a boring, frustrated asshole to be around for the next thirty years, as long as you are bringing home a steady, non-embarrassing paycheck right? At least you're 'normal'.
OK, I should state unequivocally here that I'm not against careers for everyone. Some people should definitely have careers. Some people are born career people, and they are happy to be so. They answer the 'what do you do' question proudly and without any pent-up angst, regret, or remorse. They love the fact that their life is secure and they know exactly what they are going to be doing tomorrow, and they genuinely like their job. They lust not for something 'other' than their status quo. And, to be honest, the World needs those people. It just might generally suck without them (Or it could be very fun; I don't know). But, we're not talking about those people, are we, renaissance man? No, we're talking about you, and to you, 'career' is a 4-letter word.
Yes, you went to college, and you did get that degree, which you paid a lot of money for, and you really wouldn't want that to go to waste, right? I mean, ever since your sophomore year in high school you've been groomed for this 'life path', this 'one thing'. Yes, of course you will go to college. Yes, of course you will major in Economics and eventually get your MBA. Of course you will climb the corporate ladder and be at 'the top of your game', making a 'comfortable' living, in twenty or thirty years, as long as you keep your head down and don't piss off the wrong people. You might even retire 'early' when you are 55 or so.
If you are squirming right now, then you know you are a renaissance man.
It is interesting to note that the etymology of the word career, from the Latin, means 'race', as in race to the finish, or perhaps, rat race? In any case, it can feel like a race sometimes. From the moment they put you in that chariot in your early years of high school, the drumbeat of specialization throughout the arena begins. Yes, you will be a doctor, a lawyer, a corporate manager. Perhaps even a 'career counselor'.
In any case, I don't need to tell you that this is not for you because you already know this! So, the idea here is to recognize this and own it. Let go of the guilt and the pressure to become the average drone. Let go of the feelings of dread when you look at the next twenty years of riding an office chair (or whatever). There are other options, as difficult as they are to see sometimes. Start planning your escape now. You will need to plan carefully. Try to contain your impulse to drop everything and run. You've got plenty of time. Relax.... relax.... relax....
It is some comfort to know that the 'career' idea, at least in the way that we have come to know it, is a fairly recent phenomenon. The word was once much more all-encompassing, meaning something like 'all of that which you do productively throughout your life', which could even encompass your unpaid passions and schooling. It has only relatively recently (within the last fifty or sixty years), and only in certain cultures, been narrowed down to this singularly specialized notion of 'the one job which you will have from now until you retire'. Considering this, the notion of career historically was very probably something much more generalist in nature, and perhaps even polymathic. Something the renaissance man could probably get with.
It should come as no surprise to you that I would be promoting the historical notion of career over the modern one. Your career, renaissance man, should take many and varied forms. You should have many, many careers. I would even go so far as to tell you that you should be thinking about your next career as soon as you start your current one. It might just take that much planning. Obviously, there are financial and family considerations to be made. Whether you like it or not, you will probably need to make at least a little bit of money doing something. If you switch careers, it might mean taking a substantial pay cut, moving someplace else entirely, and perhaps even going back to school (or going to school if you haven't).
I'm not talking here about quitting your job and taking that trip around the World you've been dreaming about (that's for another post). Rather, this is about the deep and thorough 'learning' of an entirely new trade. Something that, once learned, will be a valuable arrow in your quiver of life. Not only does this give you a greater depth of overall knowledge, allowing you to cross-pollinate your ideas to every part of your current life, but it also adds valuable diversification to your 'worth' portfolio.
Think about it: say you are a plumber. You have spent many years apprenticing and eventually licensing yourself as a journeyman or even master plumber. You are making pretty decent money, but you are getting the itch to try something new. So, you begin taking evening computer science classes because you kind of like that field and are interested in learning something about it, anyway (let's pretend this is 1999). Eventually, when the software companies are so desperate they'll hire anybody because the economy's on full-tilt, you land yourself an entry-level programming job. Sure, it doesn't pay as well as plumbing, but then again, you're not changing out toilets anymore either. Time to go back to mac n' cheese from the box for a while. Soon enough, management recognizes that you are wonderfully diverse and able to think outside the mac n' cheese box, and it's showing up in your work, so you've earned yourself a raise. Now things aren't quite as bad; you're making almost as much as you did while plumbing, you're happier because you aren't totally burnt out on it yet, and at the end of the day you're still pretty clean.
Next thing you know, the tech sector tanks along with the company you're working for, and you're out of a job. Blammo! No one is hiring programmers. However, you've got an old co-worker buddy who's doing some plumbing for this contractor that's not so bad and they're looking. So, you take the job. You're getting your hands dirty again. And you know what? It doesn't feel half bad. It feels pretty good to get out on the jobsite again and thread some pipe and work those muscles for a change. You'd actually forgotten how not-bad it really is, actually. Plus, it's nice to be getting a paycheck while all your specialist programmer peers are running out of unemployment, right? Maybe you'll go for that mechanical engineering degree next.
You see what I mean? It is a good thing to have more than one career, renaissance man. It does not mean that you will be less 'valuable' over time. In fact, it means the opposite. Go ahead and take that job at that engineering firm in a few years, and see how much they appreciate your background in plumbing and in programming (trust me, they will). It is not necessary to think that if you give up on specialization, you are giving up on being 'successful'.
And, as you already know, financial success is minor compared to your overall happiness, which you really can't put an income on, renaissance man.
What do you mean, what do I do? You mean, for fun on the weekends?
No, of course not. You mean, what do I do for a career, right?
Blah.
It's as if the answer to this question is meant to define the wholeness of who you are - as if someone will gain a great understanding into the depths of your very being because you have just told them that you are a technical writer for a software company that produces software designed specifically to organize and track product in hardware stores. Ohhhhhh, you're one of those types of people, huh?
Let's face it: most careers are pretty boring, at least after a while. No kid ever dreams of becoming an inside sales consultant for a large pharmaceutical company, except for maybe the kids of those inside sales consultants. It's not exactly what you would want to be eulogized for, right? So, why do we, as a society, put so much weight upon this question and its generally disappointing answer? Is it because we want to feel better about ourselves? Because we too have had exceedingly boring careers for far too long, and it's always nice to know that other people are miserable too?
Or, could it be that we are trying to confirm that the person we are about to have a potential conversation with is worth our time? Yes, he's cute, but does he have a good job? And by good job, she means one that pays reasonably well and isn't Burger King. Who cares that it's making you a boring, frustrated asshole to be around for the next thirty years, as long as you are bringing home a steady, non-embarrassing paycheck right? At least you're 'normal'.
OK, I should state unequivocally here that I'm not against careers for everyone. Some people should definitely have careers. Some people are born career people, and they are happy to be so. They answer the 'what do you do' question proudly and without any pent-up angst, regret, or remorse. They love the fact that their life is secure and they know exactly what they are going to be doing tomorrow, and they genuinely like their job. They lust not for something 'other' than their status quo. And, to be honest, the World needs those people. It just might generally suck without them (Or it could be very fun; I don't know). But, we're not talking about those people, are we, renaissance man? No, we're talking about you, and to you, 'career' is a 4-letter word.
Yes, you went to college, and you did get that degree, which you paid a lot of money for, and you really wouldn't want that to go to waste, right? I mean, ever since your sophomore year in high school you've been groomed for this 'life path', this 'one thing'. Yes, of course you will go to college. Yes, of course you will major in Economics and eventually get your MBA. Of course you will climb the corporate ladder and be at 'the top of your game', making a 'comfortable' living, in twenty or thirty years, as long as you keep your head down and don't piss off the wrong people. You might even retire 'early' when you are 55 or so.
If you are squirming right now, then you know you are a renaissance man.
It is interesting to note that the etymology of the word career, from the Latin, means 'race', as in race to the finish, or perhaps, rat race? In any case, it can feel like a race sometimes. From the moment they put you in that chariot in your early years of high school, the drumbeat of specialization throughout the arena begins. Yes, you will be a doctor, a lawyer, a corporate manager. Perhaps even a 'career counselor'.
In any case, I don't need to tell you that this is not for you because you already know this! So, the idea here is to recognize this and own it. Let go of the guilt and the pressure to become the average drone. Let go of the feelings of dread when you look at the next twenty years of riding an office chair (or whatever). There are other options, as difficult as they are to see sometimes. Start planning your escape now. You will need to plan carefully. Try to contain your impulse to drop everything and run. You've got plenty of time. Relax.... relax.... relax....
It is some comfort to know that the 'career' idea, at least in the way that we have come to know it, is a fairly recent phenomenon. The word was once much more all-encompassing, meaning something like 'all of that which you do productively throughout your life', which could even encompass your unpaid passions and schooling. It has only relatively recently (within the last fifty or sixty years), and only in certain cultures, been narrowed down to this singularly specialized notion of 'the one job which you will have from now until you retire'. Considering this, the notion of career historically was very probably something much more generalist in nature, and perhaps even polymathic. Something the renaissance man could probably get with.
It should come as no surprise to you that I would be promoting the historical notion of career over the modern one. Your career, renaissance man, should take many and varied forms. You should have many, many careers. I would even go so far as to tell you that you should be thinking about your next career as soon as you start your current one. It might just take that much planning. Obviously, there are financial and family considerations to be made. Whether you like it or not, you will probably need to make at least a little bit of money doing something. If you switch careers, it might mean taking a substantial pay cut, moving someplace else entirely, and perhaps even going back to school (or going to school if you haven't).
I'm not talking here about quitting your job and taking that trip around the World you've been dreaming about (that's for another post). Rather, this is about the deep and thorough 'learning' of an entirely new trade. Something that, once learned, will be a valuable arrow in your quiver of life. Not only does this give you a greater depth of overall knowledge, allowing you to cross-pollinate your ideas to every part of your current life, but it also adds valuable diversification to your 'worth' portfolio.
Think about it: say you are a plumber. You have spent many years apprenticing and eventually licensing yourself as a journeyman or even master plumber. You are making pretty decent money, but you are getting the itch to try something new. So, you begin taking evening computer science classes because you kind of like that field and are interested in learning something about it, anyway (let's pretend this is 1999). Eventually, when the software companies are so desperate they'll hire anybody because the economy's on full-tilt, you land yourself an entry-level programming job. Sure, it doesn't pay as well as plumbing, but then again, you're not changing out toilets anymore either. Time to go back to mac n' cheese from the box for a while. Soon enough, management recognizes that you are wonderfully diverse and able to think outside the mac n' cheese box, and it's showing up in your work, so you've earned yourself a raise. Now things aren't quite as bad; you're making almost as much as you did while plumbing, you're happier because you aren't totally burnt out on it yet, and at the end of the day you're still pretty clean.
Next thing you know, the tech sector tanks along with the company you're working for, and you're out of a job. Blammo! No one is hiring programmers. However, you've got an old co-worker buddy who's doing some plumbing for this contractor that's not so bad and they're looking. So, you take the job. You're getting your hands dirty again. And you know what? It doesn't feel half bad. It feels pretty good to get out on the jobsite again and thread some pipe and work those muscles for a change. You'd actually forgotten how not-bad it really is, actually. Plus, it's nice to be getting a paycheck while all your specialist programmer peers are running out of unemployment, right? Maybe you'll go for that mechanical engineering degree next.
You see what I mean? It is a good thing to have more than one career, renaissance man. It does not mean that you will be less 'valuable' over time. In fact, it means the opposite. Go ahead and take that job at that engineering firm in a few years, and see how much they appreciate your background in plumbing and in programming (trust me, they will). It is not necessary to think that if you give up on specialization, you are giving up on being 'successful'.
And, as you already know, financial success is minor compared to your overall happiness, which you really can't put an income on, renaissance man.
Monday, June 6, 2011
How To Love A Renaissance Man
So you love a renaissance man?
Of course you do.
Your renaissance man is smart, talented, interesting, fun, empathetic, as well as legitimately willing and interested to learn about you in every way. He can fix the drain under the sink, is a great cook, and can take you to the opera and/or ballet and actually enjoy it with you; in fact it was his idea! He will discuss philosophy and politics with you if you wish, or he might have a deep, in-depth, and actually helpful conversation with you about which native plants will provide the best textural contrast in the raised bed in your front yard... just as soon as he gets home from that hunting trip, that is. Here's a bonus: he is a great lover (and let's face it; that's a really nice bonus!).
Here is one more thing I have to say to you about loving a renaissance man: God help you.
It should be noted that the very things you love about your renaissance man could likely be your relationship's downfall in the end. It should also be noted that this is largely not your fault, and has much more to do with the nature of your renaissance man. But don't worry! I'm here to help. All is not lost yet. I am here to guide you toward a better understanding of your renaissance man in order that you might make some course-corrections before it is too late.
First of all, it would be helpful to reflect on some of the basic defining character traits of the renaissance man in general, because these will become important discussion points as we go forward. I will put these items in the form of a list, because, well, lists are easy to read, and dammit, they make for great blogging.
- Renaissance men are naturally curious and knowledgeable about lots of stuff.
- Renaissance men are dedicated to learning about stuff only until they have 'learned enough' about it.
- Renaissance men are wanderers.
- Renaissance men really, really, really like to learn new stuff.
OK, so that pretty much boils down a very complicated man into a nice, easy-to-use demi-glace does it not? We will take each of these points now and expand upon them one by one.
Your renaissance man is naturally knowledgeable and curious.
He is genuinely interested and fascinated with the world. He has an insatiable kid-like curiosity about things that the average goon you've dated took completely for granted, if he thought of them at all. In fact, your renaissance man's intelligent curiosity is the kind of thing that led him to become the interesting man that you know and love today. It is why he can discuss Puccini and Descartes with you, all while installing that new French door you like so much in the hole he just cut in your front wall (it looks great, doesn't it?).
OK, so what's the problem here? Well, the problem is that your renaissance man might just know everything there is to know about every topic you bring up, or at least it might seem like he thinks that way sometimes. Certainly he wishes he knew everything, but of course there are lots of things he doesn't know. For instance, he probably has very little knowledge of women's shoe designers. Just a guess. In any case, yes, he just might have a knowledgeable comment on just about every topic you bring up. He might want to explain to you, in detail, something that is very clear and logical to him, and about which he has some good depth of knowledge, even though you were asking a completely rhetorical question (this is a good Chablis, isn't it?). In other words, he's a know-it-all. The problem is, he actually does know it all most of the time. Obviously, this can be maddening, condescending, and perhaps even a little paternalistic. Of course, he knows this, which is even more maddening.
So, what to do about this particular problem, which becomes worse and worse the longer you know him? My best suggestion is to never ask him a question to which you aren't prepared for an in-depth answer. Also, playfully make fun of him if he's sounding like a professor. He will of course realize that he's sounding like a professor, and like you all the more for being the girl who can recognize that. But, here's the best way to counter your renaissance man's know-it-all nature: know as much or more than he does. Trust me, this will turn him on to no end (more on this later). Simple, right?
Your renaissance man likes to learn about something only until he has 'learned enough' about it.
To put this another way, your renaissance man gets bored easily. If something is not engaging his interest with new and exciting ideas often, he will become bored with it and want to move on to something else. This is what will make your renaissance man come home one day to tell you that he has quit his job after five good years because it just isn't 'doing it' for him anymore, and he'd like to try his hand at sheep-herding (a noble and ancient profession). This is also what will make your renaissance man drop out of college one semester before graduation because he suddenly realizes 'it's all a sham'. OK, so that's pretty tough to deal with, but that's not even the worst part yet. You see, your renaissance man applies the same 'interest meter' to things (i.e. jobs, schooling, hobbies, etc.), as he does to people.
Yes, that includes you, dear. In other words, your renaissance man will very likely lose interest in you if he feels he has 'learned enough' about you.
I know that sounds harsh, and it probably is, but it remains the truth, nonetheless. I'm not going to sugar-coat this for you: you need to remain perpetually interesting to your renaissance man if you want him to continue to be interested in you. That sounds like an obvious statement, but it is actually going to take some work on your end. You are not going to stay perpetually interesting by 'just being the girl he fell in love with'. That will certainly hold him over for a time, but that well is bound to dry up at some point. Because he is perpetually distracted by and attracted to 'the new', you will constantly have to compete with other things (and people) for your renaissance man's attention, which can be frustrating, isolating, and even hurtful.
There is a solution to this, and it uses your renaissance man's obsession with 'the new' to your advantage. It is not the easiest solution in the world, but here it is: you will need to change and adapt and become 'new' yourself. Unfortunately, this implies more than simply changing your hair style/color or being willing to try new 'positions' (although it's certainly worth a shot). Those things may have worked splendidly on your previous non-renaissance man, who was likely much more concerned about your physical attributes than what interesting things were going on in your head. But, those superficial alterations will have limited effect on your renaissance man, because he actually is interested in what's going on in your head.
I'm referring here to your fundamental 'you-ness'. You will need to be perpetually interesting and new to him with your ideas and your passions. In a sense, you will need to become a 'renaissance woman' to keep your renaissance man's attention. You will need to try new things and have (your own) multiple and varied interests. You will have to be the impressively intelligent person who is teaching him about some new and exciting thing you are learning, and that he knows nothing or little about.
Also, and this is important - perhaps even the most important thing you will learn from this post: for God's sake, do not make the fatal flaw of only living vicariously through your renaissance man. He cannot be your sole interest. He cannot be your only key to happiness or excitement in this life; you must create your own interests and passions, and by doing so you will become interesting yourself.
Nothing is sexier and/or more interesting to a renaissance man than a confident, complex, well-rounded, and intelligent woman. Nothing.
Your renaissance man is a wanderer.
This is why he has very impressive stories about the year he spent in Burgundy, learning about all things French, including how to make a near-perfect Pinot Noir. This is why you were impressed with his story about how he spent three months training in Pakistan before he climbed K2. The problem is, now that he's met you, you want him to settle down, right? Maybe buy a house, picket fence, two and a half kids... all that. OK, well the house and kids might happen, but if you think you're going to get the renaissance man to 'settle down', think again, honey. It ain't gonna happen. At least, not for good.
Sure, he might try the 'settle down' thing for a while, just to see how it works. After all, he's a curious man, and he wants to explore all things, including settling down. But, there will be a time, maybe five years, maybe ten, it might not be soon, but the day will come when your renaissance man will get bit by the wanderlust bug and need to explore someplace new. He will need a new quest. He'll likely want to go somewhere far away, perhaps even another country, far from your friends, far from your family, far from the kids' schools. His desire to leave this current place will become so strong that if you attempt to force him to stay, he will become miserable and contemptuous, like an animal in a cage.
So, what to do about his wandering spirit. What to do when he wants you to pack everything up and move to Reykjavik?
Do it.
What do you have to lose? Your job? Pshaw! You'll find another. Your friends? You'll meet new friends. Your kids' schools? They have schools in Iceland, and besides your kids will learn far more from the travel and the new place than they ever would from the school (and so will you). Yes, you will miss your family, but that is why they make telephones and airplanes, and besides, now there's Skype (which I have to mention from time to time to keep the blogosphere happy). Plus, your renaissance man will love you for your adventurous spirit, as long as you don't complain about Iceland the whole time.
What are your alternatives? Live with a miserable caged animal? Or, how about: let him go by himself. I think you know how that would end up. Remember, the 'wanderer' spirit applies not only to places but to people as well, including you. If you let your renaissance man wander without you, he will wander with someone else; I can almost guarantee that.
Your renaissance man really likes to learn about new things.
This is really the culmination of the previous three list items. It is important to remember that this is exactly what made your renaissance man interesting to you in the first place. He is multi-faceted. He is intelligent. He is skilled. He has learned every part of your body and how it works, and he's still finding new ways to please you. This is what makes him a great man to be with. He is never dull. He is always intriguing. He is the sexiest, most interesting man in the World. Yes, it is true that you will have to work to keep his attention. You will need to become an interesting and multi-faceted woman to hold his interest long-term. Perhaps you already are. Perhaps that is why he is still with you. Perhaps you've already followed him on his adventures. Perhaps you've had him follow you on yours. Maybe you are perfect for each other.
Just remember this: don't ever try to force your renaissance man into the box of the boring and miserable man that you would not have been interested in loving to begin with. Don't try to talk him in to keeping that boring job just because you like the paycheck. Don't try to talk him out of moving to Flagstaff just because you don't know anyone there. Maybe he doesn't want to plant a garden this year. He's already done that for five years and he doesn't want to do it anymore. Don't pressure him to be the same man that he is today or was last year or five years ago. He will change. He will grow. He will be impulsive. He will require patience.
But, he will be worth it. He will definitely not be boring. He will continue to be the sexiest and most interesting man in the World. And in the end, as in the beginning, that is what you love about him, isn't it?
Thursday, June 2, 2011
A Quick Word About Sex, Homosexuals, And Renaissance Women
How's that for a blog post title, huh? If that doesn't get any search engine hits, I don't know what will.
I just want to state unequivocally from the relative outset of this blog that I am a heterosexually charged man. There will likely be many posts that indirectly or directly make reference to that fact. However, one of the wonderful traits of a true renaissance man is that he has a nearly limitless supply of empathy. Because of his generalist nature, he has an unbound ability to 'walk a mile in another person's shoes'. I want to be clear that this blog, although singularly focused upon the renaissance man, and tangentially focused on the heterosexual renaissance man, is not meant to be specifically exclusionary to other genders and/or orientations.
To the homosexual renaissance man: Almost all of what I say on this blog will apply to you directly. Occasionally, when I deign to give advice or pontificate on man-woman love, please excuse the singularly heterosexual focus. It is in no way meant to exclude the homosexual renaissance man. You have my permission to swap pronouns as you see fit.
To the 'renaissance' woman, or, more specifically, the generalist woman, as well as women in general: this is a blog dedicated to the renaissance man. About the only thing I can offer you is some insight into the troubled inner workings of the renaissance man's mind in order that you might better understand him. There will be some ideas that you can take away from this for your own personal betterment, but all-in-all you will very likely find this blog to be somewhat exclusionary. However, in no way is this meant to infer any kind of misogynist tendencies on my part. I adore women. I adore generalist women. That's just not what this blog is about. Please start a 'renaissance woman' blog of your own, and I will likely share some link-love with you. Or, who knows? Maybe even some real love if the mood is right.
Seriously, though, renaissance woman: you should call me.
I just want to state unequivocally from the relative outset of this blog that I am a heterosexually charged man. There will likely be many posts that indirectly or directly make reference to that fact. However, one of the wonderful traits of a true renaissance man is that he has a nearly limitless supply of empathy. Because of his generalist nature, he has an unbound ability to 'walk a mile in another person's shoes'. I want to be clear that this blog, although singularly focused upon the renaissance man, and tangentially focused on the heterosexual renaissance man, is not meant to be specifically exclusionary to other genders and/or orientations.
To the homosexual renaissance man: Almost all of what I say on this blog will apply to you directly. Occasionally, when I deign to give advice or pontificate on man-woman love, please excuse the singularly heterosexual focus. It is in no way meant to exclude the homosexual renaissance man. You have my permission to swap pronouns as you see fit.
To the 'renaissance' woman, or, more specifically, the generalist woman, as well as women in general: this is a blog dedicated to the renaissance man. About the only thing I can offer you is some insight into the troubled inner workings of the renaissance man's mind in order that you might better understand him. There will be some ideas that you can take away from this for your own personal betterment, but all-in-all you will very likely find this blog to be somewhat exclusionary. However, in no way is this meant to infer any kind of misogynist tendencies on my part. I adore women. I adore generalist women. That's just not what this blog is about. Please start a 'renaissance woman' blog of your own, and I will likely share some link-love with you. Or, who knows? Maybe even some real love if the mood is right.
Seriously, though, renaissance woman: you should call me.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Dabbler
One topic that inevitably follows upon any discussion of the virtues of generalization over specialization, or vice versa, is the Generalist's 'dangerous' tendency to become a 'dabbler'. In other words, an aspiring renaissance man invariably runs the risk of becoming a 'jack of all trades, but master of none'. This latter labeling generally holds a negative connotation, in that this person would have a very thin layer of knowledge in any given field - probably just enough to get himself into trouble. The Dabbler flits from one point of interest to another, learning only enough of the basic tenets of any given discipline to impress a potential mistress at a cocktail party for an evening.
This is a valid criticism, and one not to be taken lightly. This is a definite pitfall to be avoided on your way to becoming a renaissance man. Generalists, by their nature, are saddled with the curse of impatience. They are perpetually seduced by 'the new'. It should be noted that very few people can learn enough about something within a few weeks or months to be considered proficient in that subject in any way, and generally anything substantial worth learning will take the average man several years of study to become even passably 'good'. Obviously, if one were setting out to 'master' some discipline, it could take him a lifetime.
However, it should be noted that this 'curse' of being perpetually drawn to new things is also the Generalist's greatest attribute. It is the person who isn't perpetually drawn to something new who becomes comfortably smoke-stacked into specialization and (potentially) looks back upon the lost decades of his life with some regret in the end at the things not done. Sure, the specialist has 'mastered' the art of selling widgets to the wary, but has he ever felt the tingling wash of indescribable emotion as he stood on stage and blew his gleaming horn into a writhing, cheering crowd as they chanted his name? Of course not; he had to be at the office in the morning. Has he ever thrown his meager savings into a barely sea-worthy sloop, embarking on a journey around the world and finding the woman of his dreams in a small port stop in Belize, all because he wanted to learn to be a proficient sailor? Are you kidding? There are quotas to be met in widgets. You can't take that kind of time off and expect to stay at the 'top of your game' in widget sales, my friends.
Some people argue that generalism is dead. It has been stated that in this day and age you MUST specialize to be proficient enough in any given field to 'make your mark'. I would submit that that depends on what the goal is. What is the mark? If you would like to be a Nobel prize winning scientist - if that is truly your goal in life - then yes, it is probably a good idea to specialize. It is no longer the early 1800s, when these fields were in their relative youth compared to where they are now. The fields of science and mathematics are old and much explored, and you will need to devote your time heavily to specific aspects of those fields in order to be 'taken seriously' by the entrenched, specialized community of scientists and mathematicians. Would you like to be a rich man? Well then, unless you are very lucky, you will probably need to specialize in business and learn to wring every penny out of every widget. Expect to spend 80 hours a week or so doing something like that.
However, if your goal is to live a fulfilled life, if your goal is to be happy, if your goal is to look back and say, "I did that," with satisfaction when you are 70, then the renaissance man lifestyle is for you. Since when did the renaissance man need to be famous for something? Since when did he need to discover some breakthrough in science? Sure there are famous renaissance men out there, but not every renaissance man needs to be Leonardo da Vinci. You don't need to be Miles Davis to blow a good horn. You don't need to be an America's Cup winner to be a good sailor. These are modern contrivances that seek to deter a man from generalization and accept his presumed fate that if he will succeed, he will succumb to specialization. Cast off the specialist mantra, renaissance man! Learn to sail if you wish! Learn to blow your horn!
My point is, yes, you need to be wary of spending too much time doing too little of anything in particular. That is not renaissance man living; that is just laziness. You do need to earn proficiency in many of the fields that you explore. You must be 'good' at things. It is not enough to dabble with this or that. You can't look back upon your life at 70 and say, "Well, I tried some things." If you want to play an instrument, learn the instrument. If you want to learn to sail, learn to sail. But here's the thing: if you decide that music just isn't your thing and you'd rather learn to paint... do it! Don't stick with something you don't like just because you don't want to be labeled a dabbler. Worse yet, don't be frightened off of the generalist path before even venturing down it for fear of lacking 'the proper amount' of devotion. When you find something you like, stick with it and become proficient. When, four or five years down the road you'd like to learn something else, learn something else! Do that for a lifetime and you will have been proficient at nearly a dozen excellent things.
Remember, renaissance man, you don't need to change the world, changing your world is enough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)